Thanksgiving Sucked

Well, normally I enjoy Thanksgiving but this year sucked in a major way. I slept through the whole things! Yup, I slept through it all. I have no idea why or what was going on but I couldn't stay awake and I fell asleep at the table before Chris told me to go to bed. I had tried to take a nap for an hour or so before we went out to Chris's moms but it didn't do any good.

This time of year is always hard for me. Christmas Eve is the anniversary of my mother's murder and every year I have a hard time. This year the wounds are pretty fresh because while at the hospital I had to talk about it and deal wtih it. I have never done that, even in all of the therapy that I have had over the years. Chris is worried about how Christmas Eve will be when Thanksgiving was so bad. I don't know what to do other then hope that I have dealt with some of this before it bites me in the butt again.

I feel bad for Chris's family for the most part. This is something that they don't uderstand let alone know how to help me with. Chris wants to help me wtih all of it and all of the pain. The best thing that I can think of is to let me sleep a lot the day before so that I am not tired at all. I have to get into therapy and quickly before all of this and hope that I can talk about it enough that it doesn't hurt me too bad.

I was doing pretty good for a while there but now I am worried about how I am starting to get depressed again and sleep a lot. The doctor warned me that if it happened I should increase the antidepressants. I will have to get into the doctor asap.

Well, I had better go. I just hope that I can handle the rest of the holiday season.
Jennie